This has been a really odd week for me. It's the second-to-last week I'll be spending in Sarajevo, and the last full week of my program. I wish I could say something like "I'm equal parts excited and sad" or "it's bittersweet"....but I don't want to lie to you. There is no bitter to this sweet, and the excited outweighs the sad by an overwhelming margin. And here's why:
-With the exception of being home for the holidays, I have been abroad since early August 2012. It is now about to be August 2013. It took me until last month to start to feel homesick, but now that it's hit, it's damn near overwhelming.
-While my internship has been an incredible opportunity, I would not recommend this particular program I participated to ANYONE. Not a chance. I am so, so grateful I was able to experience the Balkans BEFORE beginning this program; I fear that if this had been my only exposure to the region, it would have completely ruined it for me. There are so many problems with the program, but I think it's all best summed up with the fact the only things they do consistently are over-promise and underachieve.
-There are so many things to look forward to in the states! Once I get home I'll be going on a road trip with my boyfriend and then I'll be moving into my new apartment. I have so many reasons to be impatient.
-The novelty has worn off. I hate to say it, but it's true-- once Sarajevo stops becoming something foreign and unfamiliar and oriental and exotic, it loses a lot of it's appeal. Because under that east-meets-west veneer lies an ugly daily life reality. The cost of living here is astronomically low compared to the rest of Europe, but it's like that for a reason. Well, many reasons-- most of which begin and end with imposed international "support". Living here as an international places me in an interesting situation in that way.
So much about Bosnia and Herzegovina is difficult (if not impossible) to explain, much less understand, even after living here. I'm sure my experience here is something that I will continue to reflect on and write about for years to come.
So the homesick has finally sunk in! Well, honestly I have to say you are a real trooper. I'm really impressed by your adventurous spirit, and how you've lived up to everything we talked about in Ireland. I totally understand the homesickness, especially since you've been away for so long.
ReplyDeleteI'm really curious about why the program was a bad experience. Was it a combination of things? The people? The work?
I'm really sorry to hear you're homesick, but from the perspective of someone who has never been away from home for so long a period, it's interesting to have reached that place where there is no novelty. I feel like people, especially writers in a lot of ways, romanticize what it is like to be in a foreign or exotic place, and for that reason have a hard time adjusting to and immersing themselves in the actual culture, because they're caught up in what they thought it would be. It will be cool to see how you approach writing about your time abroad.
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