This week, I think I have reached Overwhelmed Status.
I know we all hate deadlines and have to really pull through to meet them sometimes, but I'm struggling with the opposite right now--nothing has a deadline and there is a lot happening at once. I have so many ongoing projects and ideas that is hard to make sure I'm making headway in all of them without having a certain assignment or "rule" that certain things must be done by certain times. I have so much control and flexibility over what I do. I suppose an obvious solution to this is to just create pseudo-deadlines and organize a tangible plan. I am just worried about using my Art From The Heart time as said planning time since I am so encompassed with everything while I'm there. To remedy this portion anyway, Rebecca and I have talked about me only going one morning a week and using the other time to do my work from home.
[Together Rebecca and I have talked through more ideas for the fill-in-the-blank stories that I'm really excited about and even more excited to see happen. We are thinking about printing them out in booklet-style fashion so the children have a more tangible finished product and more of a feeling of their own ability to write and create. My favorite part about this concept is visualizing how proud the kids will be to have their own little books that they made while they were in the hospital. They love showing off their art projects and games and anything we do together and I can't wait to make some of these and get them out there.]
I am also very frustrated lately with my "real" job (meaningless retail work at a corporation we won't name here) and can feel myself just getting stuck there all day with far less motivation. At the hospital, I am working in the best way I ever have. The inspiration and love from our kids and their families and caregivers surround me while I'm there and follow me home every single day. If I could be there with them instead of working I wouldn't even think twice. I'm in it for them now and the LAST thing I care about is cashiering where I have oh-so-important duties like making sure somebody's frozen dinners are all in the same bag or that tiny little coupons scan through correctly.
But overwhelming feelings aside, it is time to be calm and reflect as I get ready for a shift tomorrow morning at the hospital. I tacked up some of the paintings and art I've done in the last two months and it was a nice quiet way to remember everything I've accomplished and admired because of the silly kiddos over there. I read some news on an update site that one I've spent a few different mornings with is going through a very rough treatment week and I'm keeping him and his family close in thought as I get ready for another day.
I feel like there is middle ground between completely structured and absolute independence that can be kind of tricky. Do you believe you have too much control over what you do that you feel lost?
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your other job; balancing the two are probably tiresome given your passion towards one more so than the other.
I totally understand how you're feeling about the lack of structure. Sometimes deadlines are a good thing because they motivate you to actually get some work done. Your idea of setting your own deadlines is probably going to be very helpful.
ReplyDeleteI've been struggling with this sort of freedom all summer, and I've decided that the only way to make it work for me is to create my own structure. I set my own deadlines, allowing myself extensions only when absolutely necessary. I set aside chunks of time on three or four days of each week, where I try to get through a certain amount of work each day. It may not work for everyone, but it might be good to try it until you figure out your rhythm.
One of the worst parts of being a college student is balancing something you're passionate about with another thing you have to do to pay the bills, especially when you're making such an impact one place compared to the other. Sometimes it helps me to sit down and literally write-out the ideas that I have, then organize them by what I'm most likely to achieve in a given time. It's sort of a kick in the pants sometimes--life would be so much simpler if I didn't have to sleep--but it helps.
ReplyDelete